Walk Away Renee (Version)

The funniest spoken-word song I have come across in all my life.

Walk Away Renee
by Billy Bragg

(spoken to the picking of guitar strings)
She said it was just a figment of speech
And I said "You mean figureAnd she said "No, figment
Because she could never imagine it happening. But it did

When we first met I played the Shy boy
When she spoke to me for the first time my nose began to bleed
She guessed the rest

The next day we went on a bus ride to the ferry
And when nobody came to collect our fares
Well I knew then this was something special
I couldn't stop thinking about her
And every time I switched on the radio
There was somebody else singing a song about the two of us

It was just like being on a fast ride at the fun fair
The sort you want to get off because its scary
And then as soon as you're off you want get straight back on again
But all love is strange
And you have to learn to take the crunchy with the smooth I suppose

She began going out with Mr. Potato Head
It was when I saw her in he car park
With his coat around her shoulders that I realized
I went home and thought about the two of them together
Until the bathwater went cold around me
I thought about her eyes and the curve of her breasts
And about the point where their bodies met

I confronted her about it
I said, "I'm the most illegible bachelor in townAnd she said "Yeah that's why I
could never understand any of those silly letters you sent me
And then one day it happened
She cut her hair and I stopped loving her